Celebrities Find Conbini Enlightenment
And 7-11 drops a mess.
People travel to Japan for all sorts of reasons. The perfect bite of sushi; the beauty of a Zen temple; Tokyo’s fiery lights. These motivations, however satisfactory once experienced, pale in comparison to the euphoria brought on by the conbini.
Why is that?
Mainly because it’s unexpected. A convenience store in the USA is a graveyard of churning hot dogs and defiled toilets. You go there only under pressing conditions, usually a long drive that requires snacks or a boiling turd that must get out.
On the other hand, the conbini is a holy beacon. Its neon sign is a proud flag cheering the power of capitalism. Everything one could ever want – and so much more – is in that air-conditioned box. How could that be? It’s a convenience store! Instead of wandering through flies hovering over beef jerky and nervously approaching an undoubtedly wretched toilet, customers dance through sparkling, well-lit aisles where the biggest concern is whether to buy the umeboshi or kombu onigiri. Of course, the answer is to buy both.
One of the world’s most revered travelers, Anthony Bourdain, adored the conbini, featuring it in two episodes. In this clip he expounds on Lawson’s delights, claiming it’s harder to give up than heroin and hookers.
Legend that he is, Bourdain demonstrates he’s no conbini amateur. His haul is two sandwiches, including an egg salad, with a Boss bitto can coffee. Were he still alive I’d christen him a Conbini Master.
Fellow food celebrity
has also become hooked. While traveling through Tokyo her assistant grabbed her a curry doughnut from 7-11. She was sufficiently satisfied to post this:
We need more Tony Bourdains and Padma Lakshmis spreading the good word. The Japan National Tourism Office has three articles on Kiyomizu Temple but just on the conbini. Let’s be honest – is it more fun to wade through a crushing crowd up a winding hill for a thirty second obscured view of a temple or skip through aisle after aisle of delightful snacks and beverages?
Here are a few ideas on how Japan could raise awareness about the conbini.
Let 7-11, Lawson, and FamilyMart takeover every JAL and ANA inbound international flight’s meal cart. Instead of whisky and hot coffee, serve Strong Zero and Boss. Feed passengers with chiki, bento, and onigiri. This will whet their appetites on the journey in and teach them that 7-11 is not a shithole to avoid but a palace worthy of daily entry.
Build a monster FamilyMart in Manhattan. This is what all major international brands do — Zara, Uniqlo, Nike, Apple, etc. There should be a two-story FamilyMart with a whole floor dedicated to chiki. Sam Wells would be gobsmacked writing his inevitable three-start review.
Hire the Conbini to Cater the Tokyo Olympics. Oh – they did that! And it led to a storm of positive publicity. We – the Conbini Boys – were even featured in the New York Times and LA Times. Athletes fell in love with the onigiri (and learned how to open it). And Canadian sports journalist Devin Heroux entered the Conbini Haul of Fame.
Feed LA Angels fans. Instead of announcers rattling off DraftKings ads every third pitch, let’s hear them say, “That Shohei Ohtani homerun is brought to you by Lawson!” Every concession stand would be run by one of the Big Three. Suddenly, the best part of the game is between innings when you can grab another conbini haul.
As a subscriber to this newsletter, you know the conbini’s power. Join the cause! Preach the good word!
Beat the Heat at 7-11
7-11 is releasing a slew of excellent ice creams.
Just look at this collection of popsicles: pudding, melon soda, and mandarin/pineapple. That last one has actual chunks of fruit nestled in frozen anindofu. Dear lord. What a perfect way to stay cool when Japan’s humidity is locking you in a sweaty cage of stifling, wet heat.
Then there are two gelato parfaits: pineapple and Hokkaido melon. Both feature stunning layers of gelato, sherbet, sauce, and whipped cream.
Most intriguing is Butter Anko flavor Yukimi Daifuku made in collaboration with Komeda Coffee, a chain café with outlets across the country.
Yukimi Daifuku is ice cream wrapped in mochi. Everyone acknowledges that mochi ice cream is great. What’s compelling is the Komeda Coffee tie-in. The advertisement does not explain where the coffee fits in. Surely, it’s blended with the butter anko. While I’ve not been to a Komeda, perusing their website has made me a fan. Apparently, they have plush booths inviting customers to hang out.
This goes against every fast-food chain consultant’s advice of seating customers on the hardest, cheapest materials available to promote turnover. I know where I’m going to retire!
From the Dumpster
Sometimes the conbini creates unspeakable things. It’s rare. But it happens.
7-11 has made a confounding cold pasta. It comes with a chilled lemon cream sauce, bacon, cheese, and lemon jelly. Where to begin? I enjoy a cold pasta salad as much as anyone, particularly in summer. But that’s a job manned by macaroni, not noodles. And has anyone ever eaten a cold cream sauce? But never mind that because the mound of jelly deserves your undivided attention. What’s this wobbly pile doing there? It’s like grabbing a dildo for a tennis match. This is not the setting for such things! But there it is – a small hill of jiggling lemon atop cold pasta.
Bon appétit.
Conbini Haiku
Inspired writer
Great conbini hauls await
Rest in peace, Tony
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Thank you for honoring Anthony Bourdain with the Haiku. He said this about the Tamago Sando: "unnaturally fluffy, insanely delicious (and) incongruously addictive”. I'll be back to the Konbini in October. Life will be good then.