It's Curry All Summer
And Lawson delivers perfection.
7-11 Celebrates Curry
7-11 has launched a curry campaign. And what better time than August! When sweat is running like the Mississippi from my neck down my back I long for a refreshing spoonful of piping hot mushy potato covered in thick curry.
Just look at some of these options.
I’d go for the dirty diaper slathered in molten cheese and stacked high like Chicago deep dish pizza. Because if I’m gonna do this, then I’m gonna do this.
Just imagine that muddy mess sloshing around your belly while you walk through Tokyo. And then, without warning, a gurgle emerges. Your lips part into an O. Your eyes go wide. No! This can’t be! The gurgle turns into a rumble. Your brow furrows. There’s no denying it. This is happening.
You spin a full 360 degrees searching for a conbini. Cramps ripple through your stomach while your bulging eyes desperately seek a Lawson, FamilyMart, or 7-11. Once just beading from heat the sweat now pours from panic. You clench your butt cheeks.
At last! You spot it. A Lawson! Just across the street. You wait at the crosswalk. Your mind races, “Why don’t these f*cking people just go! There are no cars!” You leak a fart to decompress. By the grace of god it’s not wet.
The double-doors open. The AC smothers you like a cold hug. Finally, some relief!
You walk calmly toward the toilet indicating you are definitely not here to take a massive shit. The door is not locked. Glory be!
You step in and take a seat. Your sweaty bottom slides like an omelet in a nonstick pan. You stretch your arms to brace against the walls.
What happens next is for only you and God to know.
🤔 🐥 Conbini Concepts 🐥 🤔
I have a theory that Japan could become energy independent between July and August by damming everyone’s ass crack. Slap a turbine in the taint region and you’d have enough power to run a light fixture and miniaturized AC unit that mounts to the shoulders. It’s worth considering.
Go! Go! Curry Comes to Ministop
Ministop will not be outdone by 7-11. It’s launching its own curry campaign teaming up with Go! Go! Curry, a chain based in Ishikawa Prefecture. “Go” means “5” in Japanese, so “Go! Go! Curry” means 55 Curry. Why 55? Because Hideki Matsui, former Yomiuri Giant and Yankees slugger, is from Ishikawa and wore number 55. The restaurant is a celebration of the Japanese baseball legend.
They take this seriously. According to their US website, they stew the curry for 5 hours and let it “mature” for 55 hours. That’s how you achieve a perfect dirty diaper.
I’m a big fan of Go! Go! Curry. There’s one here in Cambridge, Massachusetts! When my wife – who I met in Ishikawa – first visited New York City, the only restaurant she made certain we eat at was Go! Go! Curry. Forget pizza, Michelin stars, and delis.
Credit to Ministop for innovating on this classic dish. With this Potato Salad Curry they’ve tried to create something refreshing. But this just looks like someone took a dump on some potato salad.
And a split wiener with a raw egg is not selling me on this maze-curry (mix-up curry).
Ministop needs to go all the way and and innovate a curry popsicle or curry soda.
Dreaming at Lawson
Lawson has created a masterpiece with this Pudding Custard Cake. Look closely and find the custard packed into this pudding-flavored cake.
The first step to eating this is smacking it with the little plastic spoon. The wobble tells you everything you need to know. And I bet this thing wobbles like a bowl of jello on a trampoline.
From the Dumpster
Daily Yamazaki is serving up a yaki onigiri with stuffed with corn. The corn look more like rotten teeth and the onigiri looks more like an artifact from the Jomon era. Not to mention Daily Yamazaki still has not figured out how to upload an image with a transparent background. Amazingly, they’ve uploaded the background suggestive of a transparent background! I can only imagine the office discussion:
Intern: “I uploaded it with the transparent background.”
Manager: “But I can see the background!”
Intern: “Yes, a transparent background!”
Manager: **Grumbles and returns to desk to Google transparent backgrounds**
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