The Top 5 Conbini Mashups

And I don't think you're ready for Ministop's coffee jelly.

The conbini is known for its mashups, where it combines two familiar items into a novelty. The results are hit and miss. This week’s newsletter is dedicated to some of the greatest conbini mashups. 

1. Tomato Latte

In 2019, Lawson came out with the Tomato Latte as part of a larger tomato campaign. According to the item’s description, it used tomato paste and carrot. There wasn’t any coffee, but there was plenty of milk. You may be thinking, “I wouldn’t drink this with a gun to my head.” However, consider tomato soup, which is little more than tomatoes simmered with milk. It is delicious! If served cold, the story might take a dark turn. But isn’t gazpacho a tasty, refreshing break from the summer heat? Considering these facts, Lawson should bring back the tomato latte.

2. Ice Cucumber Pepsi

In 2007, several conbini sold Ice Cucumber Pepsi. I was in Japan at the time and remember people hunting for these like Taylor Swift Era Tour tickets. The novelty was too hard to ignore.

But the reviews were underwhelming: 

When I was little, I bought it at a convenience store in the neighborhood... I was curious because it was a strange cucumber!

When I drank it, the distinct smell of cucumber came out.

Just one sip made me feel nauseous and it was a terrible experience. It's not a flavor that should be released for sale.

Another reviewer said it smelled like shit.

It seems like the aftertaste is reminiscent of cucumber, or rather, it has a stink bug-like quality. It brought back memories of that odor in the air when there was a large infestation of them. I'm personally a Pepsi fan over Coca-Cola, but this particular flavor didn't agree with me.

Imagine popping the top to quench your thirst in Japan’s brutal summer heat only to inhale an infestation of stink bugs.

Wow.

3. Mayonnaise Ice Cream Bar

The conbini had the balls to release a mayonnaise ice cream bar flavored with mayo and stuffed with white chocolate and cookie bits. Imagine telling friends and family you enjoy mayonnaise ice cream. You’d be met with blank stares and a gift card to Jenny Craig.

Amazingly, the package features a muscle-bound man with the word “mayonnaise” tattooed on his bicep and a mayo squeeze bottle for a head. A message reading “Rich, High Calorie” is squiring out of his mouth-nozzle.

How many bong hits would you need to take before considering this? Perhaps not even one! 

Some reviewers loved it. 

My family bought this for me, saying, 'You like strange flavors, don't you?'

What? Mayonnaise ice cream?! And it's a calorie monster too!?

If it were parsley or burdock flavor, it might be okay, but high-calorie mayonnaise? No way!

While thinking that, I give in to my curiosity and start eating it. Truly, my family knows me well.

I take a bite.

!!! It really tastes like mayonnaise!!

Wow, it's madness!

The acidity of the mayonnaise confuses my brain as I try to eat it as ice cream.

There's a thick chunk of white chocolate in the middle, but once I reach it, huh?

The mayonnaise flavor becomes less pronounced?

Am I getting used to it?

It's not as bad as before.

And I finish it.

I must say, I've experienced something completely new.

It was so interesting that I drooled a little, but that's a secret from my family.

Others hated it: “It's the strong flavor that makes you go ‘eww’ just by remembering how mayo-like it is.”

Welcome to the Matrix.

4. Abstracted Pizza

Just a few weeks ago we broke down the Pizza-Flavor-Potato-Chip-Flavor Pizza from FamilyMart. Three abstractions from pizza, yet somehow it still returns as a pizza. It’s a flavor invented by the Windows Blue Screen of Death. The flavor of pizza glitching in an endless loop. Any attempt to ponder how this item came to be will turn your brain to gel. 

5. Seafood Curry Karagekun

Lawson has released over 250 original karagekun flavors. We’ve been blessed with the Dream Mix flavor, the Sudachi Citrus flavor, and of course, the original Red and Cheese flavors. The prolificness was bound to produce some turds. In 2019 Lawson put out the Seafood Curry karagekun. Keep in mind that karagekun is a chicken nugget. So, this is a surf-and-turf nugget flavored with curry. At first bite I can imagine myself giving it the ole’ heave ho over the captain’s deck. There's a reason why no one in history has ever put chicken and seafood of any sort together on a single plate, let alone stuffing them inside one nugget. Knowing they had created an abomination, the product development team sprinkled curry hoping to quell the flavor demons. It didn’t work. One official karagekun ranking puts it dead last. 

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I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly.

Item of the Week

Ministop is launching a coffee jelly drink. It comes as a parfait with three distinct layers: a block of coffee jelly, flaked ice, and vanilla soft serve. When you mix these together with a fat straw it transforms into a cold, milky beverage studded with soft coffee jelly. 

Westerners are typically unfamiliar with coffee jelly. Don’t fear it. Coffee jelly is delicious and often highly caffeinated. After finishing this treat from Ministop you may be the one jiggling!

Look what they did to my boy!

From the Dumpster

Lawson is releasing an okonomiyaki crepe stuffed with yakisoba. Okonomoyaki is a savory pancake that uses cabbage as a base. The fillings can vary widely, ranging from meat to cheese. In a way, it’s analogous to pizza, as the customer usually decides the filling. Unlike pizza, the customer is commonly left to do the cooking at a flattop grill that doubles as a dining table. Toppings are standard: mayonnaise; a sweet and savory sauce conveniently called “okonomiyaki sauce”; nori dust; and bonito fish flakes that dance hauntingly with every soft breath that brushes past them. 

Lawson is riffing on the Hiroshima-style, which layers ingredients in a neat pile versus mixing everything together and then grilling as done in Osaka. The Hiroshima-style also employs yakisoba and a thin crepe-like layer on top. Lawson is using that crepe-like layer to wrap the yakisoba turning a fork-and-knife dish into an on-the-go snack. Such a thin layer of batter must only be able to hold shredded cabbage. What else could possibly fit in there? Surely not shrimp or pork. The brown streaks emblazoned on top evidence the okonomiyaki sauce, while the shredded bonito lies still waiting for a light breeze to infuse its soul. 

I’ll pass.

Conbini Haiku

Refreshing, cold drink

Try Ice Cucumber Pepsi

Ignore smell of shit

Get More Hot Conbini Action

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